R.I.P. B.B.

for the 22nd February 2015

B.B. sleeping on a hot afternoon 2014/15

it's been a week & one day since i buried my little friend, she went downhill extremely fast late saturday arvo, & i knew her time had come to leave me/us. by 8pm she was down & never got up again, her breathing shallow & her eyes had glazed over but she kept breathing, & really thought she would pass any minute, i was teary eyed by this time. between 10 & 10:30pm she was throwing up blood & passing it at the other end too. rang the vets but there was nothing they could do, they couldn't get here, (gympie was cut off) she said it sounded like she was hemorrhaging & to make her comfortable, as that was all i could do, i was a mess, am thankful vets are so understanding, she spoke to me for over half an hour. 
i cleaned up some of the mess though i was having trouble seeing, put a towel over her as she had started shivering, it was like she had already gone in spirit but her body was hanging on, so i went & showered, then checked her & went to bed & cried myself to sleep.
when i woke i seemed to be still crying, was feeling so heavy, went out to check on B.B. & hoped she had passed away & she had, must've been soon after i went to bed. i sobbed, spent longer than i needed on the loo, as i was crying so hard even the old man came in meowing his compassion to me, which was so unlike him, made me cry even more. 
i was a total wreck, fed the cats then went out to start digging a hole, thought it might be nice to bury her next to Teddy, who we lost some years ago to snake bite, she mourned him every year. 
the damned hole kept filling up with water, tried several times to dig it out but it kept filling up, that had me sobbing hard all over again.
my daughter rang me, (had sent a text to the kids letting them know she had passed away earlier) i was sobbing, it was hard to hide as i was on my way inside, she made me promise to ring a friend to help dig the hole, i didn't want to as have had him help with all the dogs here but had to admit to myself i just couldn't do it on my own, probably take me a month of sundays & in the meantime poor B.B. would be decomposing in my lounge room! so, i did ring him & he came over, he bought the 2 young chooks i bought off him over as well, we put them down in the chook shed in the cage i had set up for them, silver lace wyandottes(will post about them later). then i found a spot on the western side where my row of trees are, had lost a tree there & the hole didn't fill up with water. he had a crowbar so that made it a lot quicker to dig. 
i said my goodbyes again, (cried) wrapped her up in her old towel mats, then we buried her. 
i decided to put a jacaranda on her. then we came inside & i made a pot of tea.

  R.I.P.  B.B. 15yrs old    2000 - 22/2/2015

so, have been very sad this past week, barely been on the computer, my eyes are sore & dry from so much crying but i think i'm OKAY now, still get a little teary even though there isn't any tears anymore. 

have been knitting most of the week, it seems so soothing, have almost completed the sleeves on my daughters cardigan, it will be finished soon.



hope everyone had a good weekend


thanx for visiting